A progressive Christmas

Some people have progressive dinners moving from house to house from appetizers to dessert.  We are having a progressive Christmas.  We started in Leesburg sharing an amazing dinner with Kama and her family. Jon was an engaging dinner companion with stories from across the pond with his mates. J willingly shared the limelight with his big brother, and added his thoughts.  Both guys made quick decisions to snap up the last two rockfish and finished off with a hot pumpkin brownie and ice cream topped with s dollop of whip creme.  

Next morning we headed over to see my Mom. The hardest part of visiting is that I can't just pop in for an hour frequently. I try to squeeze in a months worth of conversation into a few hours. The plan for phase three was a visit with Meagan's family that included dinner in Hampden followed by walk on Christmas street to see the lights.  This is where the plan took a detour.  Meagan and I ended up at the ER for ten hours in search of drugs for a painful pinched nerve in her neck.  The guys carried on admirably with dinner and Christmas lights.  Kudos to Mike and Bruce for sending over power plugs for my phone/IPad and a late night snack.  

We are back home for a week to share Christmas dinner with friends and my oldest son before we head to Charleston for a visit with my youngest son and family.  Then a football Saturday to cheer for UNC in the Belk Bowl.  

Our plan is to bring in the new year in West Virginia.  Our superstition is if we wake up on New Years morning to snow in WV it will be a good year.  So hope for snow because we need a good year.  

Hubby has been feeling a little down in his socks without some family in residence to liven up Christmas.  I confess to doing a minimalist job of decorating, feeling a little ho-hum myself.  We will have to give some thought to what to do next year.  

Wonderful wild WV

We haven't been to WV for winter for two years.  Last time we came up right after Thanksgiving to set up the tree and provision the house for a week with the kids at Christmas and then fate intervened.  So here we are today.  We brought up a flat screen tv for the family roon and hubby's first run down the bunny slope. Big question will he get the ski bug again and we will come up and spend time here?   I don't ski, I like being here, low stress, where else can you wear your pj's under your ski pants at the grocery store?   But a bored hubby in 1750 sq ft, with ice on the steps, and snow on the roads is not my idea of fun.  I don't even have enough spices up here to alphabetize.

What a difference a month makes

I promise this is my last poor me rant.  I know I should not feel like this is the last... Last business trip to DC, last big project, last etc.  I know that I have revamped my professional life many times, sometimes a minor tweak, sometimes a major change, but usually the change was for the better.  This time the change wasn't thought out or planned it just happened.  And now that the last move event is over and the project is wrapped up I am adrift.  My laptop is tucked under the hotel desk no report to write, no lists to start, no next round of meetings to set up.   My life has been defined by what I do.  My projects have driven my calendar.  I have been incredibly lucky to have great projects that have given me the income and freedom to have a personal life.   So what is next.  Guess the most important things are - don't panic,  take the next few weeks to enjoy my family, recharge and get my professional credentials in order, and put on my big girl panties and remember that I am actually pretty good at what I do and network, network from a mindset of confidence.  Promise next blog will be about enjoying the day to day. In the next few days I will get to spend several days with family and friends.  So no more fretting, open the cookbook, send in the grocery list, heat up the oven and spend days cooking yummy food and enjoying great company.  

Before and after

TAs the queen of denial, I have just ignored the day everything changed.  I told myself to just focus on the work. Finish without drama.  But it did all change on October 23.  I had just gotten comfortable with the new routine of full time work.  I was making mental plans of things I wanted to do for the next few years, making plans that required a steady source of income, not the roller coaster of contracting.  Always worrying about the next gig.  

This last project ends on Monday. There will be champagne and funny stories and congratulations all around.  Then I will turn in my credentials, they will turn off my email account and I will be the bridesmaid once again.  Hopefully they will remember me as someone they would like to work with again.  I will head home to throw myself into a thanksgiving feast for family and friends.  We will put up the Christmas lights and decorate the tree.  The trappings of normalcy, and hopefully the beginnings of the next phase of our lives.   

I haven't quite figured out how I feel besides sad and angry.  I am used to the theory of make no plans, count no chickens, kiss all the frogs emotions that have ruled most of my adult life.  Up until October 23 I was the one who always left a full time gig when my patience with the politics and the frustration with the work got to much.  And I have taken the blame that I really don't play well with others for very long. I like to do it my way.  I don't bounce out of bed ready to greet the day.  I am not good at hopping in the shower and getting dressed before work.  I sneak up on the day, wearing my pj's and sweater I check my email, make lists, frequently workIng for hours before getting dressed.  I have a terrible sense of time.  I don't remember to eat lunch and am surprised when my hubby knocks off work at 5:30 and wonders what is for dinner.  

But this time I was playing well with others.  My time card was always full.  My client was happy.  I was looking forward to a schedule where I could plan get-aways and someone besides me was responsible for hunting down and bringing in the work.  All I had to do was show up and do it.  

So today when I was in getting my gray colored and my hair cut the woman I have been going to for years opens with so anything new this month, are you off work today or do you have to go back?  What do you say?  "Well let me tell you I was fired, rehired for six weeks on contract, as of Monday I will be unemployed, and to top it off so is hubby."   And yes I will make my next appointment now.  

Where brave soldiers walk

Coming home yesterday I was on the shuttle from the train with a couple who ran in the Marine Corps marathon. The woman was standing and talking to her spouse and men kept trying to offer her a seat - with a sides way glance at her apparently able husband - until he finally said they had run the marathon and she had pulled a muscle and sitting was painful.  Nods all around.  

While I was checking my luggage, the Honor Flight escorts started leading a parade of men in wheelchairs, walkers, canes into the airport, some had family with them, some were alone with the escorts. I thought of the courage and determination it took for them to make the trip.  

Stopped for a bite to eat and to charge my phone and sat next to several tables of soldiers who had just landed on their way home. The young soldiers were laughing and eating and adding to their collection of empty beer bottles on their table.  The waitress was doing her best to mother them, checking on their flights, being slow to bring new drinks.  The young guys were the rowdiest - but not out of control.  Another table of older soldiers in civies - if all black UnderArmor counts as civies - were keeping an eye on the kids.  When in came the couple and sat down.  The kids were boasting of their service, and started doing the "double tap" boast of pride, when the Marathon Marine said something quietly to the tables and all of a sudden they all sat up straight.  All I heard was "Men be sure you make your flight". The kids pulled themselves together and paid their bill.  When along came, the call Hero's passing". And the escorts were pushing two wheelchairs with WW II veterans.  Everyone in the restaurant stood and clapped.

A young family who looked Middle Eastern were sitting in the back with their young children and one asked why were people clapping, and the father said because they were soldiers.  It made me think - how did all of the foreign travelers see what I saw.   I saw pride in our soldiers, waitresses playing Mom, people passing the tables saying thank you, gate agents asking active duty military personnel to board first, standing to honor the men who served in the last Great War.  Many of us aren't sure where we stand on our military actions, present or past, but I think deep,down many of us, as much as we wish there was another option, want to thank those who stand on that wall protecting us from enemies seen and unseen.  

An even stranger day

Today I was fired, missed and hired.  More the hubby than me but as of 8pm I am working thru the end of November. Turns out my "boss" didn't like me because I never took direction from him.  Duh.  I was working on projects that weren't his.  Who knows, but despite offers to stay on to hubby I think once they say we have no place for you being forced to ask us back is not a good idea.  Too much craziness.  

Life is full of surprises

And what doesn't kill you makes your stronger.  Or something like that.  Monday, my boss asked if I could meet with him in Charlotte on Wednesday.  Sure - hoping it would be a reasonable time since I had a flight at 2PM back to DC for client.  Despite my best efforts the only time he could meet was 9AM in South Charlotte.  I knew the company was reorganizing and I had never actually met the person I worked for so I thought - make the effort.  So Mike kept Zed overnight for my early morning dash downtown.  Imagine my surprise to discover the purpose of the meeting was to let me go. 

"Oh nothing personal"  we are downsizing, and it is immediate.  What -- I remind him the client has a big move this weekend.  We have been planning it for months, weeks.  Can't you let me finish this move and I understand downsizing, but let me do an orderly transfer of documents, schedules,,,,.  NO.  It is final and immediate.  So he turned the pages to show me how many people were being let go, and what page did he linger on-- the one where hubby's position and age were listed at the top.  I said so you are firing both of us???  Is everyone who came over from Strategic being let go.  Silence. 

So I signed the paper and left.  I called my client counterpart and said, will I won't be there this afternoon, I was let go.  I reassured them I would make sure all of the documents were transferred.  Same story for hubby but he turned in his computer, mine is still here.  It was more of a shock that anything and pretty darn unprofessional.  Who fires their Project Manager in the middle of a project that ends soon anyway.  My last move for this client is the weekend before Thanksgiving and I was looking forward to the time off.  Bruce was ready to quit anyway, the new management was bringing in the people he worked with at his previous gig.  So the handwriting was on the wall, we just didn't expect it mid-project. 

Who knows, today in the shock the client is saying they will hire me directly but that is easier said than done. But as they always say everything happens for a reason.  Just not sure about this one.  Good thing we hadn't rented a house for Thanksgiving! 

The biggest insult -- I even put on pantyhose and a skirt to meet my now former boss!  More to come as the saga goes on. 

Locally sourced

Let me preface this whole blog by saying I am working in DC and when I travel alone I stay in the city preferably close enough to walk or worst case short cab ride. Oh - I am on a company budget that negates the "famous" hotels but does let me stay at nice hotels. No rent by the hour for this girl. That sets the scene.

On to food. Son PM has worked for my client before and knows that their company cafeteria is Amazing. It caters to an international cosmopolitan taste with lots of fresh food, vegetarian options, changing guest chefs featuring different nationalities with the staples of fresh made before your eyes sushi, stir fry and sandwiches. So if I have lunch it is always wonderful. Now dinner. You would think there is a plethora of places - not so. Much of downtown DC rolls up by 8pm, narrowing the choices and usually eliminating places that would have light boring bar food. This brings me to locally sourced.

I have come to think that the trend is to believe that "locally sourced" with the names of the farms on the menu = wonderful and interesting dining. Not always. Sometimes it means the chef has a light touch and wonderful flavors but too often it is the massacre of a
potentially delightful dish. Even a southerner would not put shrimp with tails on in a shrimp and grits concoction with the consistency of library paste. Little crispy crunchy surprises.

This week I am staying at a boutique hotel with a Pan-Asian/spy museum theme. Who knew. The do not disturb door hanger has a "spy" image with Do Not Spy On Me! Tonight I dragged my self home at 8:30 after a long day wanting a glass of Chardonnay and some light bar food. Luckily there was a sushi bar with a wonderful and progressive menu - that my children would love - but I wanted a California roll. Ok children roll your eyes and say "old". I was tired and did not want an experience I just didn't want to wake up at 4 starving. A grilled cheese sandwich was on my wish list. So while listening to my two bar mates wax poetic on the attributes of various wines and cocktails I asked the bartender if the sushi chef could possibly make me a California roll. He was very professional and after a brief gulp and step backward he said "of course".

My sushi was wonderfully fresh, my wine light. All told perfect. Even if I have never figured out how to gracefully eat a slice of sushi roll without looking like I bit off more than I can chew! And in the end the bartender got back in his groove and inquired on my trip and hometown and warmed slightly when I mentioned frequently dining at Founding Farmers.

The lament of this story is I wish there was a hotel close to my job that served grilled cheese sandwiches with very credible Chardonnay at 8pm to ladies of "a certain age" when they dragged their tired bodies home from work.

Without technology

There are days when I read someone's report of an idyllic week away from cell phones and the Internet and they always wax poetic praising the peace and quiet, the uninterrupted life and I wonder is that something I want. No midnight emails from an insomniac client, no "I am not selling you anything but, calls when I forget to look at caller ID before answering, no actually being able to catch up on work that got delayed because I goofed off for a few hours.

No it is not what I want. This morning my grandson who headed across the pond for a year abroad leaving behind a worried Mom called her for free over the Internet. It was a quick report, he is safe and sound, has found the subway and the grocery and procured a pillow. Classes start in a week giving him lots of time to explore and adjust his internal time clock. Ten years ago that would have been an oversees call and carefully meted out because of expense. Now she can send off an email, schedule a quick face to face Skype call, reduce the expanse of the pond to a mere rivulet.

I shop on line for lots of things certainly the mundane. Midnight order to Babies r us for a new diaper pail for poop bags. Conference call distraction to order new filters for the fridge. Check flight tracker and set an alert to know when to head to the airport to pick up hubby. I don't want to give those things up. I get to follow the lives of my youngest grandbabies on their mothers blogs and beg for a new glimpse of the quickly growing youngest. It isn't the same as in person but when I do get to visit I don't feel so disconnected.

So a week with no cell phone or Internet isn't on my wish list. A week of gentle breezes, visits with the babies, fun conversations with my family with some sun, sand and the magic chef keeping us well fed now that IS on my wish list.

Coincidences

The world is getting smaller. Last week in Sarasota I noticed that the Sales Director at the hotel was a Merrithew. Sure enough her husband is related somehow to my ex. Coincidence #1. Sunday at another hotel in Charleston on the elevator a nice young man on staff asked if I was on vacation. Turned out he was from Moncton New Brunswick and missed the cold. I commiserated and said something inane. As I was checking out he was near my door and asked if he could start my room. When I got to the car I went through the regular routine - double check rings on, watch on, OH NO, one of my earring was missing. Quick run back up check room (guy was in hallway explained problem, leave my name and phone number at desk with description. By the time I got out to my car someone ran out and said - wait the young man walked the hall more carefully and - ta da - found my earring. Was that #2? Today I called a Craig's List add for a king mahogany headboard for sale. Scheduled an appointment for 6:30, rounded up my wing woman and arrived at the designated apartment. Turns out 1) he used to live in the house on the corner with his girl friends parents when he first moved here, 2) he delivered our neighbors Mini to him when it came back from repairs, ready for #3. He calls to say his roommate with a pickup is bringing the headboard over and what pops up on my cell phone is his number with "Elizabeth NJ". Sure enough he was born and grew up there until he followed girl friend to Charlotte 3 years ago. That headboard was meant for me!

Are these a sign?

Thank you

It has been several years since I travelled for business most weeks of the month. I have had several years of working mostly in my bunny slippers with a few forays out to client sites. But all things change and this will probably change.

Tonight I realized how lucky I am to have so many people who make my life easier. It started with the kid in the red jacket who hopped off the bus taking me to my car when he said,"Ma'am ill put your luggage on for you" and then he took it off at the other end and asked what was I driving while I went to pay my parking bill. My car was idling with the radio off,my seat where I left it, and the air conditioner blasting. It's hot here in the South in parking decks. Luggage stowed I pulled up to my freshly mowed lawn and sparkling clean house. Thank you David for the great job your crew does, and thank you Lolla for the ladies who make my kitchen sparkle.

I am tired and my feet hurt. But I cannot thank the people enough who make this a little easier. I get to focus on wrapping up some work deliverables and thinking about the weekend. I am a lucky woman.

The Calm Parent

Where was this training program when I was parenting. Are you asking why am i listening to the cd's while driving to WV. The WV trip is a 7 hour drive on open highway with only a few areas with traffic and most people stay close to the tolerance level for speed, very few aggressive drivers, so it is a great trip to actually listen to more than music.

Anyway my once a month rabbi had gotten the program from her therapist and she said that while we did not have children at home and many of the examples no longer applied, the theory was worth considering. I'll let you know what I learn.

West Virginia bound

Sunday, Monday or Tuesday we are heading to WV. It is a Cardos family reunion to visit Mom and the two dogs and a cat whose ashes were scattered on the mountain last year.

We haven't been to WV in nine months. We had a long term renter working on the power plant refit. I would like to go up in time to restock the basics of toilet paper, Kleenex, salt EVO, Tide etc. The basic staples for the house, and to be sure everything was ship shape. But the selfish side of me wants a few more days at home. Once I leave I won't be back until Mid-week the following week since I have to report for work in DC the Sunday after the 4th.

I loved the WV house, it was the one place I slept soundly and felt totally comfortable sitting on the porch in my pj's drinking coffee. But everything changes with time. Zed is older and the walk around the circle in the gravel is harder on his little paws. I still have about 40 hours of work to do before I head to DC. Decisions, decisions Guess we will go Sunday if I can race around tomorrow like a crazy woman stocking up on provisions, packing for two lifestyles, working on menu's so I bring the essential parts and guess what I can find at the Shop and Save.

Blessed be the direct flight

Recently I have been doing a lot of business travel. For years most of my projects were close enough to drive to meetings and then followed up with conference calls. Not sure what changed but for several months it seems like it has been non-stop travel. Tonight the inbound flight was late arriving but we were assured that if we lined up promptly,stowed our gear,gate checked extra luggage we would be on board and in the air with hardly any delay. Like good little soldiers most of us complied. We were all on board, getting ready to shut down our electronic devices when the voice came on and in a very comforting but authoritative way said "due to weather in Charlotte" we were on a 20 minute delay, then updated to an hour and you could get off but...stay close we could leave on a moments notice. My choice was to sleep. Nice nap!

But I realized that no matter what the delay as long as the plane finally got in the air, I would be sleeping in my own bed tonight. Around me people were scrambling to check connections or make alternate flight plans. So no matter how tired I might be, how much I grumbled about schlepping luggage across town by metro, taxi and train to get to the airport on time, all I had to do was take a nap and hope the plane eventually shut the doors and headed south because my car was waiting , my bed was freshly made and tomorrow I would wake up in my own house and pad downstairs to make a cup of coffee in my pj's and peruse the newspaper that had only the news that was fit for the delicate constitution of a southern lady to read!

Does this mean I am getting old?

I have always tried to present an understated but professional appearance even when working on the floor of the data center. I try to coordinate, my sneakers are clean, I always wear earrings. The last few months I have been working in downtown DC. This should have been easy. Everyone in the client site is VERY stylish, most are European but it is a very cosmopolitan group.

Now the problem. I walk about 3/4 mile from hotel to metro and then three blocks from metro to the office-carrying my laptop,100 lb power pack, and stuff in my stylish leather over should bag. Woe to me if I throw in a water bottle! My shoulder is killing me. I have brought my pull along but that is less than wonderful on the sidewalks and escalators and I still have to carry it on and down the aisles of the plane. And it does not hook onto my luggage. Hey folks I am not feeling the sympathy. So I broke down and bought an unstylish laptop bag that is light, hooks onto the handle of my luggage and I can hook my hard hat on with a bungee cord. I always said when I abandoned fashionable I would soon lapse into sensible shoes and cut my hair to a practical length!

Today the guy who took my car - who knows me by now - says wow I like a girl with a hard hat. And the TSA agent tells me I am the envy of all the little girls. Who knew. Women check out the handbag, look to see if the briefcase is leather and a tote. Men they are all about the hard hat.

Sun jealousy

My favorite season is summer, especially summer days at the pool or even better the beach. This year I am living vicariously through my youngest grandchildren. They are spending hours and days at the pool and ocean. I was sure that as a consultant I could finagle my schedule to work from the beach or at worst at home with liberal mid-day breaks paid for with later hours in the evening. Not so this year. Guess I had better become a better project manager ; >

Look at me

Eyes. Think of all of the sayings about eyes. Look at me when I talk to you. I couldn't look him in the eye. The eyes are the windows into the soul. I never really thought about how important a look could be until recently. A few weeks ago I got to spend a week with my grandson. Day 1 I was focusing on the "schedule". Breakfast, lunch, snack, nap - well you get the picture.  I even had alarms on my phone to keep me on time.  That is until story time when after the stories he stretched out across my lap in hopes of a song and looked up at me with hopeful eyes, eyes that weren't clouded by other thoughts, waiting expectantly and when I had no magic songs he looked gently at me and said that is ok. They were eyes that looked into your soul. Eyes that break your heart.  A few weeks later I spent some time with my granddaughter. We play wrestled.  And then she looked up at me with these clear unshielded eyes and I fell in love again.

Look away, look away for fear your life will change.  I remember sitting for hours holding babies studying their tiny features, listening to their breathing, smelling their baby smells.   It is the time you fall in love, the time that bonds you to them in a way that can never be broken.  I think they become imprinted on your soul.  As much as you love your spouse it can never be the same as the irrational love you have for the children who capture your soul.  If you aren't sure you can endure the challenges of loving one more person so totally - look away.  Don't feel their gentle breaths, don't breath in their sweet sweaty baby smells, don't look into their eyes or you will be lost.

Mortality

For the past six months I have been mentally car shopping. My favorite car was edging closer to the magic 90,000 miles. My warranty is up at 100,000 and it loses all trade in value. I love my Pacifica but they don't make it anymore. The Dodge clone just didn't make my heart pound and the Mercedes sister was way to expensive. So I started the process of oogling cars in the parking lots.

One of the criteria was smaller. Our garage will house both our cars but it would be much happier with two regular cars. Mine was a little too wide for a comfortable fit.

I thought about how I used my vehicle, how much I drove, any special requirements. I decided that if I needed a third row of seats I could rent a car for that special trip.

Hubby encouraged me to drive a Pathfinder from his dealer. They promised a great deal and that it was totally new and drove more like a car.

Finally I was ready and when Hubby was home for several days I said I was ready for a test drive. Always a sweetie he said why don't we start with a Chevy since I had really liked a Traverse I had driven for a few weeks while my car was in the shop. We headed out to the GMC dealer on the way to the Nissan dealer because they had some nearly new possibilities on the lot so we stopped there first.

Long story shortened after test driving several options the sales man left me to meditate on my choice. The two final candidates were parked facing the windows just waiting to be chosen. One was too macho and the other made great sense. Good price, all the options I wanted, low mileage. But - something was missing. So I said okay you had another option a new Buick. It had all the options on my must have list so he pulls it up and I settle in for a test drive. By then I had given up on the long route and was into the basic test. Pull out of dealer, turn into my Dr parking lot and pull into space, back into space, do a u-turn, gun it to leave lot. Somewhere between the dealer and the parking lot I knew it was my car. So what was the feature that sold me?

I will be 70 when I trade this vehicle in - four years 80,000 miles - maybe 71 if I drive less in the next few years. I could not see myself getting in and out of the GMC. It looked like a truck, it was tough and durable and practical. I wanted something slightly elegant, safe, great visibility, a few bells and whistles and enough seats to be the designated driver on "girls night out". So there it is. I could see myself at 70 inching this vehicle into a parking space at the grocery store. It's a Buick and yes the driver's seat is very comfy!

Saturday

Tomorrow Ashby's parents sail up the Chesapeake and drop anchor at the port.  They are spending their last childless night and hopefully having fun, even though they are waiting impatiently for chubby fingers and crazy head conversations.  It is hard for me to believe it has been a week.  He and I are just settling in to a routine and I will miss the way he greets the morning with total abandon and finds way to make just riding his bike a game of imagination. 

I need to give credit to everyone who made this week happen.  John and Karen started the ball rolling with the gift of the cruise.  After much coordination a week was chosen far enough in advance I could clear my calendar to be the babysitter.  That was the easy part.  Meagan spent time writing down everything I needed to know - from food preferences to schedule.  She included letters of authorization and membership cards to all of his favorite places.  She stocked the freezer with meals and the fridge with parts.  She hired a dog walker, which at first I poo-poo'd but am eternally grateful for Liz who came for the morning and late afternoon poop duty.  And my sister - "who lives in the next block" for your Balmoreans' cleared her calendar to be the afternoon magic.  Every morning Ashby would ask - "Is Mary Jean coming today?"  By Thursday he answered his own question - with when she finishes teaching school she will come.  Three mornings were filled with pre-school and gym class,  MJ filled Friday with a trip to a little known park that included a 'walk in the forest', and Grandpa Merrithew and Mimi whisked him off to the train museum and lunch on Saturday.  MJ was here to either help with or do bath and stories before bed.

MJ and I had fun teaching Ashby some new skills, and he is pretty proud of himself for getting his muscles working.  He has climbed to the top of the dragon, run across the hanging bridge, climbed the coiled ladder and pulled himself up the rock wall.  Today he rode his bike a million miles at top speed around the park and here at home.  He was chased by lions and was the emergency man who raced to the rescue ringing his bell.  He rode through puddles, including one that ended up being a little deeper than anticipated.  I have washed his shoes twice this week from puddle stomping.

I relearned patience while he has been learning to dress himself.  Reminding myself that the daily 'joke' of putting two legs in the same leg hole of the underwear, pjs or pants is immensely funny to a pre-schooler and tried to stifle my desire to say just get on with it.  I had forgotten that repitition is the way we all learn and been excited when he got up this morning and knew that he should take off his pj's and go potty first thing while I brushed my teeth.  He was pretty proud of himself and was preparing to get his pjs back on by laying them on the floor to wiggle in - of course he had to put to legs in the right leg first and asked if this looked right! 

I am sure it will take his parents a week to put the house back in order and find where I may have misplaced things.  His menu has probably been askew but I have done my best to keep the balance of protein, carbs, fruits, vege's and dairy.  We have eaten together as either the two of us or all three every night beginning with grace and ending with I'm all done.

I have tried to pick my battles and find ways to keep him busy and active.  When he was feeling very lazy because his MJ was not coming that day right after nap, I told him he could wear his pj's to the gas station while I filled the tank and took the car through the car wash.  Spending several minutes in the soapy car wash prompted him to want to wash his cars so we filled up a bowl with bubble bath bubbles and he tracked down a spray bottle and spent an hour by the garage washing his cars and a few trucks.  He carefully pre-sprayed them, before rubbing them clean with bubbles and then moving them to the hair dryer area.  He was very impressed with the big blowers at the end of the car wash.  I admit I let him stay in pjs.  We had already gone through two sets of play clothes and one pair of shoes in the morning at the park and everything was in the wash. 

This afternoon he was in high energy mode.  MJ and I took him to the park, he rode his bike all the way, climbed on a few toys and then raced around the perimeter of the play area on his bike.  After dinner he and I went out with his bike down the alley and around the neighborhood first looking for fires, then transitioning to finding food for the lion following us before heading across the field in search of a good rock to take home to Grandpa Bruce.  Tonight he was wearing down but determined to get his two shows in - I will not miss the Octonauts even though I have learned alot about deep sea creatures.  We had a quick bath and then two stories.  I will miss his crazy head jumping on my lap and his help reading the stories.  There is something heart breaking about his little mischevious grin when he hides bunny.  I will miss camping out in his room with the stars on the ceiling and the 'pretend' firepit with marshmallows, hot dogs and stinky cheese. 

Tomorrow I will get dressed, pack up my suitcase and like Mary Poppins disappear.  It is time for Mommy and Daddy to come home. 


 

 

A great day to go to the park

 

 MJ has talked about taking Ashby to a park near her old house.  It is in the state park and is an open adventure play are that is ideal for running and climbing.  This afternoon looked like the perfect time. 

It took him a while to figure out this place.  I think he kept looking for an theme or a purpose. But he slowly warmed to the notion.  There were very few other children there for him to study so he had to rely on MJ to lead the way.  By the time we left he was climbing and running and even walking across the 'hanging bridge' - relax Mom it is about 8" off the ground. 

He came home tired, ate a big dinner, had a shower and hair wash (much faster for a tired kidlet) two stories and said - "Good Night Mary Jean" and was out. 

Street creds

A short diversion from the Ashby chronicles. I have discovered that I need street creds if I want to claim to be a Baltimorean.  In idle conversation at a small store, with the nursery school lady or even the dog walker there is some interest that I grew up here.  I quickly learned that Lutherville is equal to Mars.  Towson has a little more cred worthiness since the street car ended there.  Grew up in Loch Raven Village - doesn't even register with real downtown Balmorean's.  The street car never went there and no one from Canton ever aspired to move there.  Maybe Parkville but none of the above.  The real cred is in my trump card.  "My daughter lives in Locust Point, in the block down from my sister."  And in truth, it is really nice to say my sister lives in the next block.  I can't think of anywhere I have ever lived where that statement would get the knowing head nod of approval.  And it is really nice.  Almost makes me want to move here - except who knows where Meagan and MJ will be in a year.  So I guess I will stay in Charlotte - at least that usually elicits - oh I was there once or my cousin moved there. 

Wednesday

For hump day it has been pretty uneventful. We are getting up around 6:30 but tomorrow may be a little earlier since Duke and Ashby seem to be up at 6:15; that would give us a little more time to get ready for school. Today was crazy head day in the morning before we went to his gym class. But after we stopped at Whole Foods and had lunch at home he headed off to nap with no complaints. We lured him up when MJ arrived and she wonderfully offered to take him to the park by herself since the kitchen was littered with work debris and I was going to cook a little dinner.

I am learning from my sister - let the little energetic legs run the errands. So when socks go flying it is easier to wait on the steps while he hunts them down. Energy expended! We are learning to put on our own underwear. I am doing really well, but the little guy is still in the silly stage of two legs together every time before he tries again and gets it right.

This is MJ's story but I will share it. He came home hot and sweaty having climbed to the top of the dragon and then slid down the fireman's pole. Once he conquered it once he was on a mission to perfect his technique.

He wanted to go out after dinner to stomp rockets so he ate quickly and we headed down for a half an hour of stomping. He was far more interested in the other kids especially the boys practicing baseball with Dad's. He persuaded MJ and I to take a turn most so he could watch the boys.

The exchange for going out after dinner was one show, a fast bath and then two stories. He was fast asleep before I finished the dishes. 

Tuesday afternoon

Arrived on time at nursery school for pick-up and we headed out to Chipolte's for lunch. No foodie review except it isn't as good as last time. Nap time was relativity easy since he was tired. He asked if Aunt Mary was coming after nap and I said yes and if he went right to sleep and had a good nap we would all go to the park. Within minutes of hitting the pillow he was gone.

After a slow wake up and some negotiating on if we could all stay home he got dressed, chose a soccer ball and his book bag with the stomping rockets and off we went. After a little soccer and then fire the rockets at MJ and me we slowed down and walked home. Ashby showed MJ how to paint/sticker on the iPad and the tried to get her to play angry birds. It is hard for someone right handed. I quickly wised up and cut off his Internet access since he was about to go on a buying binge for extra help!

Dinner was yummy. Thanks Meagan for the lets dish dinner. Everyone including Ashby cleaned their plates. After some table chat while Ashby played on the floor with his cars we headed up for our new nighttime routine. Mary is taking Octonuts duty while I get snack and bath ready. Tonight was hair washing. We had decided to use the hand shower since he did so well last night with a shower off to get rid of the bubbles. Since we had four hands it went smoothly.

MJ did first story and then headed out to see her poor abandoned hubby. Thank you Bill for sharing her evenings with us. After second story and thee lame songs. "Nana those are stories not songs". Maybe it is Gregorian chant. Despite protestations that he was not tired he was asleep in about 10 minutes.

I have to confess I am not getting him down for nap or bed quite on time. Lunch and play spills over and we do our best to be in bed by 1:30 and then 7:30 at night. Tomorrow morning is gym but it is a later start so I promised him that he could stay in pj's a little later than today.

Tuesday morning

6:15 the intrepid guard dog lumbers up and moves the few feet to Ashby's door. I turn over for 15 minutes more of sleep. Alarm goes off at 6:30 and I open Ashby's door to start the getting up process, pull on sweats and take Duke across for the early morning business. Ashby is waiting for us and ready to play. But I am on a schedule shower, breakfast, dressed and out the door by 8:15 to head to school. My life on timers. 15 minutes of play, followed by an Ocoto segment on tv while I shower and then breakfast, clothes, teeth, sunscreen and out the door at 8:15 on the dot.

My back seat driver gives me directions to the school, we find a parking place and then I can't figure how to get him out of the car seat. Oh! The red button release is on backward and I don't have the strength to push the button. Ashby watches me wondering how I didn't know this simple direction. He asks if I forgot to write it down since I am always referring to the notebook for everything else. I finally free him and we walk over to the school being greeted by a teacher who graciously walks us to his classroom. Along the way Ashby has another worry - did I write down "a hug and a kiss before I leave". I reassure him that I would never forget the hugs and kisses. Now to squeeze in some work before heading back at 11:10 to pick him up.

The Ashby Journal

On Sunday, after months of planning, worrying and planning Meagan and Mike set sail on a cruise to the Bahamas. It was the first time Ashby's parents had been away together sans wee tot since he arrived nearly four years ago. Each parent had been away on business but the other parent was always on-site. They had not had any daytime babysitters and had adjusted their lives to always have a parent do the dinner, bath and bed routines. Occasionally slipping out for a few hours after he was sound asleep. So leaving him with me for seven days was a BIG deal.

It was with trepidation that I had agreed to spend the week at their house. For those of you who know me well know that while I love my grandchildren in have never been the sleep over Nana. I still work, children live in distant states so unlike some of my friends the grands don't just come over for the weekend.

With all this lead up I feel like a faker to report on the week but in the absence of his blogging Mom I will try to keep the chronicle of his week.

Day One - or rather the afternoon of the first day I woke him from his nap with the news that his FAVORITE Aunt was ready to take him to the neighborhood park. We packed him up with his wagon full of trucks and diggers and walked the two blocks to the park. He promptly unloaded all of the equipment,pushed around some mulch and decided he needed his snack. With his back turned a small posse of toddlers descended on the trucks and shovels like moths to the flame. He watched them indulgently and said it was ok to play with his toys. I think he was slightly amused by one of the little guys who seemed to find sharing unacceptable. With a few minutes he abandoned his treasure trove and lured his Aunt to the other side of the park to drive the Pirate ship and embark on a game of pretend. I stayed and guarded his booty and got the occasional wave. In about a half hour his Uncle Bill came back from the gym and persuaded him to join him in running between the goal posts on the field. A thoroughly tired pre-schooler came back ready to pack up his gear and head home. Mary kept him busy downstairs while I pulled together a dinner Meagan had started before she set sail.

During dinner he asked "where's Mommy". It was a tense second but we asked him where she was and he said she was on the big boat. Asked and answered and we moved on. Next step was bath and bed. Mary and Ashby watched his show while I ran his bath. After managing to splash everyone he was dried, slathered with lotion and ready for his two books,a little snack, teeth brushing and three songs. Mary and I did a duet for the last song after each doing our best for our solo events.

End result. 3pm to 7:15pm. Three adults,one preschooler = successful transition.

But wait there is more. This morning we defrosted some of Mommy's yummy pancakes and moved slowly to time to get dressed. I had some secret aspirations for the day but his Mom had warned me that he really liked to hang out in his pj's and take his time on non-school days. By 8:45 I headed to the shower while he watched a segment of Cars. Quickly bored he came on to watch me put on my face. Somehow we ended up in his Mom's comfy chair in the bedroom with her IPad playing a game, painting pictures. I abandoned thoughts of taking the bus up to buy play bandaids as our outing. Then at 11 he announced it was time to get him dressed and we should go somewhere in my car. I will spare you the details of getting him in his car seat. But thank you Mike for leaving the manual under the seat cover. Off to HT for allergy medicine and a reminder to me that shopping with any child under 20 is an event. Thankfully he was willing to hang on to the end of the cart and wait patiently for his cookie at check out. Then I foolishly headed over for a quick stop at the $1 store for the play bandaids. All of you parents know what comes next. I the aged Nana forgot. What is in the $1 store --- treasures. None of which is suitable for anyone who is not intent on shooting out the eye of their friends and neighbors. I had no idea how many toys had pointy ends and methods of sending them through the air. After many trips back and forth along the aisle with several recommendations that Mommy would not like that toy we settled on a fire truck with multiple small parts easily able to choke a toddler if ingested. Back home, running late we quickly had grilled cheese and fruit and headed up to nap. No tv show because of the time. After spending 20 minutes swinging bunny in ever growing arcs I opens the door and said "if you don't lay down and pull up your covers and go to sleep we can't go to the park this afternoon". Ah the power of his favorite person. He promptly pulled up his covers and went to sleep. I had to wake him at 3:15 so he could go with MJ to the park. This is where I have to confess to this being a boondoggle MJ bundled him out with his T-Ball equipment and stomping rockets to the park while I stayed home and made dinner. Dinner was on time. MJ and I took a few minutes of conversation and the up to start the bedtime routine. This time Ashby snuggled up in MJ's lap to watch his favorite show while I got bath and snacks. MJ did the bath honors and at his request his stories and songs.

Here is my confession. I could never have done this without my sister living in the next block. She does it effortlessly. I am a wreck worrying about schedules and balanced mess. Thank heavens for veggie packs to fill in the nutrition missed. So I guess it does take a village to raise a wee tot.

Tomorrow is our first school day. We have laid out his outfit. The coffee is made.

So Mom and Dad you have done a great job raising a wonderful child. He is willing to go with the program and gives us clear instructions. Now is time for you to renew your energy and know that your wee tot knows down to the end of his tippy toes that he is loved and that you have made good plans for him.

President's Day

February 22 was traditionally Washington's Birthday and a federal holiday.  Sometime ago the government collapsed February 12 (Lincoln's birthday) and Washington's birthday into one federal holiday - President's Day and reassigned it to the third Monday of February.  Why do I even know this?  Well February 22 is also my Dad's birthday. 

As the kids left the house, Dad got into the birthday mood.  Maybe he was always in the birthday mood but I didn't notice it until later.  As the years went on it became the first "family" event of the year and we would gather to celebrate.  It was a good holiday - there were no competing events or in-laws that would be slighted if we went to Dad's house instead of theirs, so it became a ritual that everyone came home for  Dad's birthday.  As he got older he began to plan for the milestone birthdays almost a year in advance, moving it to a hotel with catered lunch and a clown or magician for the kids.  True we were a big family with five children, spouses, grandchildren and eventually great grand children and we could fill a house quickly, and this way Mom didn't have to cook and  clean and there was a definite end time. 

Until I hit 60 I didn't really understand how important this Benson Holy Day really was.  Dad was celebrating being alive - against all predictions having had open heart surgery when he was in his early 30s and again to replace the valve - he had survived exceeding all expectations.  And it was a time when the focus of the gathering was not on presents, it did not compete with Easter or grand children's sports.  He used to tell me that a birthday is a time for the celebrant to give gifts not receive them.  It was the birthday boy/girl who was grateful. 

So happy birthday Dad.  I am sorry we have not been successful in keeping the family tradition of one Benson Holy Day - or maybe we just haven't found one that includes the siblings and all of the generations.  I hope each of us offspring find a way to continue the tradition in our own families.  A day of thanksgiving that is kept holy in each family - a day that is marked on the calendar as recurring every year.

Change of scenery

Hilton Head Island

There is something peaceful about looking out at a marina.  The boats all seems so hopeful, shinny white and bobbing at their moorings.  It almost makes me want a boat -- but no, the thought passes quickly.  I want a friend with a boat, I don't even want to be the navigator, I just want to be the guest.  I will help out and make lunch, bring drinks, cut up cheese and crackers - but I don't want to clean it, scrub the decks, polish the brass, oil the teak, well you get the picture. 

This was planned as a ''vacation" with a little work.  We are travelling with friends and the guys have booked a different golf course every day with the tournament winner buying dinner on Friday night.  Two days in and they are pretty even.  My little work grew exponentially over the past several days.  I thought I could load some data into this new software and zippity do dah I would be done.  Not so much. The reason it is 'reasonably priced' software is because it is fairly dumb and as the account rep told me when I called and asked if they had a library of data, he said without even so much as a pause, "we think our clients like to customize this application with their own data so we don't put in more than the demo data - and oh Jinni when you are done you keep the data and the next job will be oh so much faster." 

Luckily I have been down this path before with a slightly more robust application and I am the queen of googling (verb), so last night after hours of crossing my eyes and gritting my teeth I have a reasonably professional first draft to send up to the client for today. 

Today Betty and I walked the boardwalk around the marina to ogle the boats and check out the restaurants and nifty gifty stores.  The day is sunny, light breeze and just perfect in the sun.  Tonight we are dining at a Chef's restaurant - Eat so I am saving my calories for a yummy dinner.  Tomorrow threatens rain, but I have started spa hunting and am working on a plan that involves a lazy massage, a light lunch and a nap. 

On the road again

Many years ago I spent weeks on the road, coming home on weekends to terrorize my family before repacking and heading out again on Sunday r night. I was focused on career and justified the nights away as just doing my best to bring home the moolah that paid for the non-essentials for our family.

It is different now. Today I have a job not a career. I am not working my way up the totem pole. I am not irreplaceable - hmm maybe. But there are huge differences between then and now. Then I would work until midnight staying in my room, ordering room service, beginning to think Holiday Inn was decor. This week is the end of several weeks where I have been gone too long. The hotels are one step up but they are still hotels.

This week I made a decision to make some changes. Friday I took my book down to the bar area and sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace and had a glass of wine. This afternoon when I got back from work I went down to the lobby and had a cup of coffee while I read my book. I am making an effort to live outside of my room. Granted there is no one to talk to but at least there is activity.

I am thankful for the work and thankful for the freedom to upgrade my habitat. So it is now my job to adapt.