Parenthood - the job that lasts forever

There is no harder job ever than signing up to be a parent. Whether you come to it by surprise, marry into the task, work hard or pay dearly for that amazing day when you go from being M/S no kids to M/S with kid there is no real way to adequately prepare for the change that will occur when the new person arrives in your life - forever. There are no test drives, return if not satisfactory policies or "oops" production overrun sales. There are no do overs when you become a parent.

As a Nana I am now in the enviable position of having hindsight and some days some tiny glimmers of insight into the overwhelming job of becoming a parent. I wandered into the role of motherhood without a real plan for the end game. Each of my children honed my skills as a parent. When I listen to young mothers now I fear I would have failed woefully on the 'good mother' yardstick.

So this is my wisdom: Every child is unique. What works for one will not work for another. In fact with infants and toddlers, what works today will not work tomorrow. Know that the more you thought you knew before the wee one arrives, the less you will know once they are here. Google is great for finding a thousand and one recipes for chicken and directions to obscure restaurants but like Dr. Spock it is not gospel. The reason it takes a village to raise a child is no one person can know everything. There are some decisions that you make or don't make that will effect whether or not your child will go to Harvard but very few of them are made before he or she is 2. Most children who learn to drive are also potty trained and have given up their sookies.

What is important: Sleep - for the parents. The old adage that it will look better in the morning was coined because a good nights sleep gives you hope of survival for another day. Pick your battles. You can not make your child sleep, eat, or potty on command (at least I don't think you can). It takes several years before they can begin plotting against you! Babies and children have internal rhythms. As parents we can help shape them but it is an uphill battle to ignore them. Be kind to yourself. The fact that you are worried and thinking about what is good for your child means you are already a good parent. Will you always get it right - NO. Will you usually get it right - YES.

Looking back I wish I had played more and worked less. If I could do it over I would have made more time for bedtime rituals like bubble baths and stories, I would have worried less about a clean house and more about listening. To all of the parents of my grand's - you are doing a great job, thank you for sharing their lives with me.

It was a LOUD bird

Have you ever had a word or idea that you rolled around on your tongue like a chocolate - tasting the sound, thinking about the flavor? A true pronouncement. Last night my 20 month old grandson (with some coaching from his parental unit) was telling me about his day. He went to the Baltimore Aquarium and saw ----- fish - red fish, orange fish, blue fish and a LOUD BIRD. Loud is a word that requires scrunching up your face and rolling your tongue in your mouth and saying LOUD bird. It is a lucious word. He says it with all of the passion and energy of someone making a pronouncement on the future of the world and once he is done he sits back and laughs as if there is no better word in the world for what there is to see and experience.

Children - mine and others - coin phrases that rattle around in my head as the small kernels of truth that come back to ground ideas. Years ago my youngest sister became famous as the pronouncer of truths. We stayed at a resort in Ocean City that was next door to a motor court of little mention named Miami Courts. Once day when she was little and I not yet a teenager were walking back from a foray to the corner store, I said something about cutting through the parking lot and she looked up and said with all of the seriousness of a toddler -- are we going to Your Ami? As the years have gone on I have always remembered her confusion with the syntax of the english language and the fraility of puns. She is also the authoress of my other favorite quote from her years of horseback riding. She came home one day in a thorough funk and proclaimed at dinner that Dusty would not behave for a little jerk. Of course she meant that Dusty the horse was not responding to the reins - but forever her pronouncement has stayed in my thoughts as not responding to a little jerk. I can not tell you how many times that phrase has come back to me to explain what was going on in life. Is the problem the Little Jerk or the little jerk? The third one -- bear with me - was an Easter joke. In a spurt of craftieness I though that I would let my youngest child help me create Easter Eggs. I made all of the preperations - eggs, dye, stickers - and called him to help. His pronouncement to his siblings was they should all come help -- we were going to Kill Eggs. Ahhh english as a language.
For those of you who are dyslexic or who don't hear the fine nuance of words and phrases this will be funny. For everyone else you will go "Huh". This was an inside joke for all of us on the ADHD/Dyslexic list serve.

Romper Room and Meeting Place

This will only appeal to those of us who watched morning television in the 1950's and maybe the 60's. There was a show (originating from Baltimore - small cheer) where every day Miss Nancy started by getting everyone to sit down in front of their televisions while she got out her magic looking glass and said hello to us. She would call out our names as she looked through her magic glass. Then we would say the pledge of allegiance and sing songs. Sometimes Mr. Do Bee would come to teach us how to be polite. "Do be a Do Bee". I always wished she would call my name but alas Jinni was not a popular name at the time.

Every time a meeting place conference call starts I remember Miss Nancy and wish sometimes Mr. Do Bee would show up and remind us about being on time and muting our phones when we are in a bar. We all log in and our names pop up on the screen, our leader calls out our names - I see Brad, is Tom on yet? And then we go through our agenda and make our reports and say goodbye. It is a lot like Romper Room.

Thank you Miss Nancy and Mr. Do Bee - I have remembered your lessons and it makes some of these calls a little more fun!