Before and after

TAs the queen of denial, I have just ignored the day everything changed.  I told myself to just focus on the work. Finish without drama.  But it did all change on October 23.  I had just gotten comfortable with the new routine of full time work.  I was making mental plans of things I wanted to do for the next few years, making plans that required a steady source of income, not the roller coaster of contracting.  Always worrying about the next gig.  

This last project ends on Monday. There will be champagne and funny stories and congratulations all around.  Then I will turn in my credentials, they will turn off my email account and I will be the bridesmaid once again.  Hopefully they will remember me as someone they would like to work with again.  I will head home to throw myself into a thanksgiving feast for family and friends.  We will put up the Christmas lights and decorate the tree.  The trappings of normalcy, and hopefully the beginnings of the next phase of our lives.   

I haven't quite figured out how I feel besides sad and angry.  I am used to the theory of make no plans, count no chickens, kiss all the frogs emotions that have ruled most of my adult life.  Up until October 23 I was the one who always left a full time gig when my patience with the politics and the frustration with the work got to much.  And I have taken the blame that I really don't play well with others for very long. I like to do it my way.  I don't bounce out of bed ready to greet the day.  I am not good at hopping in the shower and getting dressed before work.  I sneak up on the day, wearing my pj's and sweater I check my email, make lists, frequently workIng for hours before getting dressed.  I have a terrible sense of time.  I don't remember to eat lunch and am surprised when my hubby knocks off work at 5:30 and wonders what is for dinner.  

But this time I was playing well with others.  My time card was always full.  My client was happy.  I was looking forward to a schedule where I could plan get-aways and someone besides me was responsible for hunting down and bringing in the work.  All I had to do was show up and do it.  

So today when I was in getting my gray colored and my hair cut the woman I have been going to for years opens with so anything new this month, are you off work today or do you have to go back?  What do you say?  "Well let me tell you I was fired, rehired for six weeks on contract, as of Monday I will be unemployed, and to top it off so is hubby."   And yes I will make my next appointment now.