Whiling away the day down by the sea.

Over the weekend, we went to Hilton Head for a quick get away. The guys played golf - big surprise and Betty and I headed to the beach. It was a great way to recharge my batteries. The beach was quiet, the water was not too cold and the pool back at the hotel was clear and cool. All together a fabulous way to spend three days. The only glitch was sketchy cell phone service. In some ways it was great but in others it made squeezing in some work a little difficult. I ended up setting up a temporary office on the little deck off the room and pulling the coffee table over to the patio door so I had internet from the hotel and cell service if I was outside and not moving from the one hot spot. I am sure it looked a little silly to my neighbors. I forget how reliant I am on cell service.

The Bucket List

The movie, the Bucket List, got me thinking about what was on my bucket list. It made me realize that I really didn't have a bucket list. Did that mean I was a ditzy as people think I am, no real wants or desires just floating along the rive of life? Were my expectations of life so low that I didn't want to tempt fate by having a list? Slowly over many months and now years I started mulling over what might be on my list if I had a list. It turns out that when I ask friends and spouse the question - what is on your bucket list - they usually have a mental list or at least a few maybe's. This year I admitted to having such a list and told my spouse that one of the things on my list was to go to a Jimmy Buffett concert. The real wish would be to sit on my front porch swing in the house next door to his and listen to the music float across the air. But a concert would be good. So, this year I persuaded my non-Buffettt groupie husband to take me to the Charlotte concert. He wasn't into tail-gating and I had to prod him to move his appointments up and leave by 6:30 but he found tickets and we went. I came home deaf and you had to know the songs to even guess the lyrics. The lesson there is once you are over 60 you do have to get close to front row center seats to actually hear the words. The show was great, I was ready to pack my bags and leave for the Islands. Now I have a visual to go with my IPod and radio music fix of escapism music.

Naps

Naps are highly under appreciated. It is actually only recently that I finally understood that everyone doesn't nap. My Dad was a champion napper. If he sat down, he napped. It is possible he would have napped at dinner if the chairs had been more comfortable. I am a reasonably good napper - and I am grateful for the gift. Some times when work was exhausting or I had a long drive after a long day, I would nap in the car. I would put my seat back and set my travel alarm (pre-Iphone) for 20 minutes and sleep. That is all it takes -- 20 minutes - and I am good to go for the rest of the day.

But the absolute best naps are the ones with a small soft person resting on your chest. It slows your breathing and you have the wonderful scent of baby to lull you to sleep. Napping with a baby is amazing. Time stops, worries float away and it is just gentle breathing and the warm body touching yours. Thank you Madi! Soon you will be too big and too busy to nap with me, but until then I am available any time for a nap.

Good old fashioned righteous outrage

I think that it is time that we adopt a law that requires that all elected local, state and federal elected officials have to not only take and pass Civics in school but that they have to maintain a minimum level of continuing education credits to even run for office. The course work should include the basics of the constitution, how the court system functions and the basic laws of the land. And for state and federal office there is a Civics 201 level set of courses that include the history of how our laws and sense of justice and fair play have evolved over time. Civics 202 will be on economics - not just the big stuff like the budget is x trillion, but who is effected directly and indirectly by every dollar that is spent or not spent. There will be an advanced class for committee members on how to really analyze the effectiveness of programs. Anyone on budget committees will have to take Civic 302 that will delve into their programs and look at why they were started, analyze their effectiveness and then have long thoughtful discussions with topics like -"Has the program outlasted its usefulness, or should it be retooled because the basic need is still valid?". What in the heck is going on - how have we become such ideologues that we cannot pass a budget. Let's do a quick logic check - no we don't have enough money to fund everything at the level that has been requested. Our budget is huge, but just like most of our own family budgets only a small percentage can be trimmed. Most of our money goes to fixed costs - shelter, heat, lights, water, insurance.... What is left is whether we go out to dinner every night or no nights, should we "staycation" or vacation, does little Johnnie get cool shoes or shoes. So why in the wisdom of the elected officials are they going after so many short sighted targets and raising the red herrings AGAIN of moral turpitude (women who by themselves have gotten themselves in the family way). Let's cut education funds - hang in there kids - we are already way behind the international curve on real education and graduation rates - that should solve the problem, let's cut family planning, just be surprised. This isn't a rant in favor of family planning or a wholesale rave on how well our education system is doing - I personally think we are doing a terrible job delivering real, meaningful services to children and families. But short of eliminating children and requiring families who need help to disappear, I think our elected officials have to get off their soap boxes and think about what they are doing. If the Federal Government shuts down who will be hurt - every hourly employee, every person who works for a company that contracts with the government, every person who serves those employees, and the list goes on. I remember the last shut down - this time I suggest that airlines refund any tickets for trips to Washington just as if there was a tsunami or hurricaine - sorry destination shut. Post signs on the Beltway and Interstate - halt here - Washington is shut no need to go to the Cherry Blossom Festival, take Aunt Sue home no tourist visit to the Smithsonian, go have lunch in the shopping mall. All of you who pulled up at the Grand Canyon - sorry closed. This is 2011, we have the most up-to-date technology, we can do business 24 hours a day, in our cars, offices, on the back porch, but we can't figure out how to keep the federal government up and running? Stop acting like spoiled three year olds.

Parenthood - the job that lasts forever

There is no harder job ever than signing up to be a parent. Whether you come to it by surprise, marry into the task, work hard or pay dearly for that amazing day when you go from being M/S no kids to M/S with kid there is no real way to adequately prepare for the change that will occur when the new person arrives in your life - forever. There are no test drives, return if not satisfactory policies or "oops" production overrun sales. There are no do overs when you become a parent.

As a Nana I am now in the enviable position of having hindsight and some days some tiny glimmers of insight into the overwhelming job of becoming a parent. I wandered into the role of motherhood without a real plan for the end game. Each of my children honed my skills as a parent. When I listen to young mothers now I fear I would have failed woefully on the 'good mother' yardstick.

So this is my wisdom: Every child is unique. What works for one will not work for another. In fact with infants and toddlers, what works today will not work tomorrow. Know that the more you thought you knew before the wee one arrives, the less you will know once they are here. Google is great for finding a thousand and one recipes for chicken and directions to obscure restaurants but like Dr. Spock it is not gospel. The reason it takes a village to raise a child is no one person can know everything. There are some decisions that you make or don't make that will effect whether or not your child will go to Harvard but very few of them are made before he or she is 2. Most children who learn to drive are also potty trained and have given up their sookies.

What is important: Sleep - for the parents. The old adage that it will look better in the morning was coined because a good nights sleep gives you hope of survival for another day. Pick your battles. You can not make your child sleep, eat, or potty on command (at least I don't think you can). It takes several years before they can begin plotting against you! Babies and children have internal rhythms. As parents we can help shape them but it is an uphill battle to ignore them. Be kind to yourself. The fact that you are worried and thinking about what is good for your child means you are already a good parent. Will you always get it right - NO. Will you usually get it right - YES.

Looking back I wish I had played more and worked less. If I could do it over I would have made more time for bedtime rituals like bubble baths and stories, I would have worried less about a clean house and more about listening. To all of the parents of my grand's - you are doing a great job, thank you for sharing their lives with me.

It was a LOUD bird

Have you ever had a word or idea that you rolled around on your tongue like a chocolate - tasting the sound, thinking about the flavor? A true pronouncement. Last night my 20 month old grandson (with some coaching from his parental unit) was telling me about his day. He went to the Baltimore Aquarium and saw ----- fish - red fish, orange fish, blue fish and a LOUD BIRD. Loud is a word that requires scrunching up your face and rolling your tongue in your mouth and saying LOUD bird. It is a lucious word. He says it with all of the passion and energy of someone making a pronouncement on the future of the world and once he is done he sits back and laughs as if there is no better word in the world for what there is to see and experience.

Children - mine and others - coin phrases that rattle around in my head as the small kernels of truth that come back to ground ideas. Years ago my youngest sister became famous as the pronouncer of truths. We stayed at a resort in Ocean City that was next door to a motor court of little mention named Miami Courts. Once day when she was little and I not yet a teenager were walking back from a foray to the corner store, I said something about cutting through the parking lot and she looked up and said with all of the seriousness of a toddler -- are we going to Your Ami? As the years have gone on I have always remembered her confusion with the syntax of the english language and the fraility of puns. She is also the authoress of my other favorite quote from her years of horseback riding. She came home one day in a thorough funk and proclaimed at dinner that Dusty would not behave for a little jerk. Of course she meant that Dusty the horse was not responding to the reins - but forever her pronouncement has stayed in my thoughts as not responding to a little jerk. I can not tell you how many times that phrase has come back to me to explain what was going on in life. Is the problem the Little Jerk or the little jerk? The third one -- bear with me - was an Easter joke. In a spurt of craftieness I though that I would let my youngest child help me create Easter Eggs. I made all of the preperations - eggs, dye, stickers - and called him to help. His pronouncement to his siblings was they should all come help -- we were going to Kill Eggs. Ahhh english as a language.
For those of you who are dyslexic or who don't hear the fine nuance of words and phrases this will be funny. For everyone else you will go "Huh". This was an inside joke for all of us on the ADHD/Dyslexic list serve.

Romper Room and Meeting Place

This will only appeal to those of us who watched morning television in the 1950's and maybe the 60's. There was a show (originating from Baltimore - small cheer) where every day Miss Nancy started by getting everyone to sit down in front of their televisions while she got out her magic looking glass and said hello to us. She would call out our names as she looked through her magic glass. Then we would say the pledge of allegiance and sing songs. Sometimes Mr. Do Bee would come to teach us how to be polite. "Do be a Do Bee". I always wished she would call my name but alas Jinni was not a popular name at the time.

Every time a meeting place conference call starts I remember Miss Nancy and wish sometimes Mr. Do Bee would show up and remind us about being on time and muting our phones when we are in a bar. We all log in and our names pop up on the screen, our leader calls out our names - I see Brad, is Tom on yet? And then we go through our agenda and make our reports and say goodbye. It is a lot like Romper Room.

Thank you Miss Nancy and Mr. Do Bee - I have remembered your lessons and it makes some of these calls a little more fun!