A (fill-in the blank) changes everything

Work. How did I forget that work changes everything. It seemed like such a good idea at first. Tempt the fates, toss my name in the pot. Then the ego boosting lure. They called me right away. They offered me a choice: responsibility and more money or little responsibility and less money. I took the second. What I forgot is my hard wiring doesn't let me just let things run off the rails without offering to help. Guess I might want to rethink this sometime. But the part I did forget is the cost of working. I get nothing done at home. Christmas and a deadline coincided. My poor house was barely decorated, no baking -probably good - no parties, barely got the rooms ready for Meagan and Ashby to visit. My whole standard for having people over to watch the game has sunk to clean kitchen, sodas, water, maybe crackers and cheese and a take away menu. No theme napkins, staggered snacks, fresh veggies and dip. I don't know how mothers juggle children, home and work. Guess we will see what Spring brings.

 

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Every puppy is unique

Zena is ever so cute, but she is eternally being compared to Zed. I call her Zed sometimes. I remind myself all of the time that I am comparing her to a 13 year old dog, one that had adapted to us and we had adapted to him. Zena is so different. She is afraid of a lot of things. Trucks, lawnmowers, shadows, thunder and lighten and FIREWORKS. It is going to be a long weekend. She has spidey ears and can hear booms in another county sending her skittering back up the porch stairs. Then we have neighborhood fireworks - illegal - and random. They don't stop at 9:30 they just go off randomnly. She is terrified and trembling and wants to climb in our skin. She hates riding in cars so no seven hour drive up to the mountains, and in truth If there is a thunderstorm it is far worse in the mountains.

And I need an attitude adjustment. For six months I have railed against her insistence on getting up at 5am, maybe 5:15 on a good day. And I resent it and am angry. She poops on schedule at 5:25pm which means I need to leave work at 4:45 promptly. In truth I could go to sleep at 10, get up at 5 and easily leave work at 4:30. I took a no stress, buck does not stop with me job that pays less than half of what I used to make so I could do those things. I made the decision to get a new puppy, and I made the decision to go back to work, so I need to put on my big girl panties and adjustment my attitude. Getting up at 5:15 lets me have time to have a shower and breakfast and get to the office by 7:50 which lets me leave at 4:30. So how do I do this? I love sleeping, I love my bed. How can I learn to love starting to go to bed at 9:30, not playing games on my iPad?

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Summer reading

My whole schedule of reading and listening to books is off kilter. No more long drives anywhere. The last one was to my high school reunion when I listened to Memory Man. I like Baldacci and this is a new character and theme, I hope he continues to grow these characters. Last year when I was back and forth to Baltimore in the Spring I listened to The Invention of Wings. Not an easy book to read or listen to. It is written by the same woman who wrote The History of Bees. The problem with listening to a book when you get to a painful part it is hard to speed read through it, and sometimes it sneaks up on you, or the reader is so engrossing you are in the middle and don't know how to skip ahead. But I would read it again it is set in Charleston and is reasonably accurate - the author has notes on her research. In light of the recent tragedy it is an important read for historical context. The Husband's Secret is a good summer book. The Girl on the Train is Gone Girl with British accent. I recommend doing the audio book, hearing the words spoken correctly makes it much more interesting. The Silent Sister is gently introspective and well worth your time. If you are feeling that you need some more Southern subtext definetly read The Quiet Game. Good mystery, almost shades of South of Broad. Any recommendations for me?

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Elephants

Not a subject I frequently thought about until I read (listened to) Leaving Time. It was about lots of things like love and determination and lying and all the regular things but mostly it was about elephants. Now every time elephants are in the news I am reading the item as if I am an expert nodding my opinions. In the Sunday times there is an article about the Bronx Zoo and an elephant who is alone and lonely. There is lots of background that I feel as if I totally understand and can even offer an opinion. At one point the article comes to the question of a private sanctuary and rightly the zoo keeper opines that sanctuaries are usually run by well meaning people who love elephants but that they do not have a secure funding source like the zoo and they are not certified. Leaving Time is a lovely book, I am not sure what it is like to read but the audible book is read by Rebecca Lowman who does a wonderful job. It should be on everyone's summer list of books to listen to. It is a conundrum what to do for the Bronx Zoo. This single aging female has no family, she isn't one of the wise ones of the herd to be respected. She is isolated and has no skills of joining a herd or mothering. She is destined to live out her life alone. There is much to be learned from the elephants about family and aging and love. I think I'll listen to the book again.

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I am hooked

Last year we upgraded the garage door and added a new closer that kicked in after 5 minutes if I forgot to close it (not unheard of) and wifi to check if it was closed and even open and close it remotely. It was great. No more worry that after walking the pooch I went to bed and forgot to close the garage door. Next came the thermostats. Very cool. I could program them remotely and set up the weeks schedule. The thought had been to conserve power when we were away and then cool or heat when we were on the way home. Great idea but we stopped traveling for work but it was still nice to make the changes when the weather was erratic. Then I went back to work. Zena will go to day care MWF and have a dog sitter TT. Friends had complained that sometimes dog sitters said they came but didn't, and if Miss Zena was in distress I wanted to know so a friend could come to the rescue. Enter the Canary. Very low tech, no zoom or rotating eyeball so my field of vision is limited but I have eyes on her favorite perch and play area. We added a Bluetooth front door lock and now I have alerts from four sources on my phone. I can see an integrated system in my future. Doggy TV is addicting and I want more.

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Dinner converation

Once a month I get together with several women from the neighborhood for dinner.  We choose a different restaurant every month - with several repeats as favorites.  It is an eclectic group that started with a small core of women who knew each other and expanded by word of mouth to a group that includes about 20 names.  The size of the group varies depending on other activities but there is a small core of about 8 of us who are usually there.  Many of us only see each other once a month, but occasionally someone makes a suggestion for a road trip or event and sends out an invitation.

I love these dinners.  The group has no real reason for being, we come from different backgrounds, some of us are retired, others working, but it isn't a Golf Wives group, or work group.  So what is my gripe?  The flip side of only knowing each other casually, we don't really know each other's religion unless someone mentions something in passing, like my talking about my first experience actually cooking a brisket for "EastOver", and that was really about food and my lack of experience with both pressure cookers and brisket.  And we don't know each other political opinions.  Well that isn't quite true,  I know many people's political opinions and I choose not to debate them.  For some reason there is a strain of Republican's that doesn't just support the Republican platform but feel it is perfectly ok to denounce the President with a vitriol  unlike I have ever heard before.  It isn't even about policy usually it is about traffic being backed up today because the President flew out at 4:30 pm that some how translates into comments way beyond the issue.  I felt like saying try living or working in DC and having roads/sidewalks closed without notice while a motorcade with someone important passes through.  You may not have voted for the current President, you may not like the party positions, you may not like the economy, the weather, poverty, uncomfortable conversations on poverty, wages, freedom of religion and what that means, but they are conversations about policy and  it would be wonderful if we could actually talk about the issues without immediately launching into charges that obviously someone who was brought up a secret Muslim is trying to ruin our country.  The level of absolute stupidity has risen to a level that is exhausting.

Let's talk about my conspiracy theories on "think tanks" that are writing legislation for Republican held states and localities that has become a cut and paste policy to be put forward without question.  A city in our state may have been too balanced in the last election, so at the State level let's introduce legislation to redraw the districts and reduce the number of council members - no local input required.  It is "good" policy to over rule the Agriculture Commissioner who prohibited weapons at the State Fair,  No need in our State to focus on crumbling infrastructure, some of the lowest paid teachers in the Nation, let's introduce legislation that will allow you to pass on the double yellow line if the vehicle in front of you is going to slow.

I don't want to listen to the hate propaganda from either party, it is exhausting.  There are no issues that are being debated from any point of logic.  We now have people in high office that deny that there might be something going on in the environment that deserves actual scientific thought, there is still debate going on about creationism vs evolution, elected state officials feel that they with their advanced degrees in something should have the right to rewrite the history taught in school.  I am sad.  We have become a nation of hate, of absolutes -- you must absolutely buy into one agenda or the other - no questions asked.  I wish more people had actually taken history classes and maybe a small dose of civics.

The Sunday dinner table and other myths

I grew up in the era of Ozzie and Harriet. It was one of the TV shows that we watched, and of course I fell in love with David and the Ricky. But it always seemed like TV not real. It wasn't my family reality. So the question is have I continually battled with trying to achieve that TV wonderfulness and sadness with missing the mark. Do I want to have Sunday dinner with the Commissioner? I do notice that the men at the end of the table are always right and there no women who are their peers. My family reality is we have a great blended family with seven children in 6 cities spread from California to England. They all have families, with children and jobs. Seven children each with ties to ex's and in-laws, sports schedules, school schedules and lives of their own. I have been very proud of my children's ability to "grow where they are planted". They have active lives with friends and commitments. And I have done the same.

We talk, occasionally face time or Skype (I have to get better at that) and try to get one group or the other together for a holiday and occasional vacation. So why when I had a wonderful Easter dinner with friends and a borrowed Mother for kibitzing did I feel like it was missing something? Why do I keep feeling that a holiday dinner should be shared with children and grandchildren? I need an attitude adjustment.

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