Thursday, January 27, 2011

The penalty of conceit


For those who know me, I have tried to stay up with technology, prided myself in being an early adopter and not shying away from learning something new. I think it is the up side of being ADHD, I am always looking for a challenge, another ball of string to unsnarl or a better mousetrap. So, when asked to put together a form for a client I thought - heck yes, I have done many forms and they always look nice, are functional and .... you get the picture. But I have not done a form on a highly secure network since Microsoft brought in some new tools. So down the rabbit hole I went. It was probably not wise to start the project while I was away visiting my oh so handsome and consuming grandson and waiting the arrival of a granddaughter, my already wayward mind was not easy to corral. But I applied myself diligently, dragged along a stack of books, brought my highlighter and sticky notes -- and went further and further down into the rabbit warren.
There were so many options, so many choices - a truly bad, bad thing for my mind. It is very hard for me to close a door, rule out an option unless I have run it to the ground. The long and short is my brilliant son-in-law did some research, made a suggestion, got me back on the right path and the results fit the problem. Could it be tweaked so it could fly, make coffee and bring in the paper, maybe. But it was a small problem, needing a nice, clear solution. And I learned a lot of new stuff - hope I get to put it to work!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Waiting for Madi

Major events in my children's lives always trigger memories of my life with them. My last child is at the hospital with his wife as they go through the final stages of bringing Madi into the world. I had hoped that it would be a quick, easy, mad rush to the hospital for them, but it is not to be. They have been there for more than 12 hours already and the induced labor has been slow and laborious. Not what you would wish for anyone.

I have truly enjoyed watching them grow from a wonderful couple to parents to be. But it has also brought back wonderful memories of my time hatching him. He arrived later in our lives, and I was given the gift of staying home for most of my pregnancy and keeping to the task of feathering our nest. My memories are of lazy afternoons falling asleep in front of the fire, baking way too many cookies and brownies, and sewing little baby clothes that were warm and sensible. His arrival time was long, I had been in the hospital for several days in advance, and when they decided he should move along and arrive we were well into the 24th hour when they decided that we would have to move to a hospital in a bigger town. His poor dad had dozed on a spare hospital bed, held my hand and urged me on as they encouraged walking down the hall multiple times. Finally he headed out to meet the ambulance in the next town. We were besotted with baby. My poor pre-teen and teen children probably wanted to leave us at the hospital until we got over it all.

My son is very much like his dad, protective of those he loves. My heart aches for what he is feeling watching the woman he loves in pain and not being able to fix it. I would guess that at some points the dads wonder if this is all worth it. It is the part of pregnacy they can't understand. There is really nothing you can do for a woman who has been in labor too long and is just tired. Rubbing her feet, holding her hand, ice chips, they all become an annoyance as she focuses totally on just getting this baby into the world. The good news is the memory of what came before dims and the memory of seeing her for the first time, of touching her little hands and feet, watching her wake up to the world one eye at a time, stretching those bandy legs will be all that he remembers.

My selfish hope is I get to watch him as he gets to know her for the first time. My daughter and her husband let me share that moment. He will say he didn't even know I was in the room -- all he saw was his son. I knew that and it was wonderful. My greatest belief is that the bond you build with these little tiny new people is the bond that will sustain you through temper tantrums, bad grades, dented cars, the "I hate you" that comes as they grow and begin to separate and become their own persons. It is the bond that wakes you up in the middle of the night when you know positively something has happened to them and makes you want to shake or hug them when they come back alive. What else can explain how they live beyond the Terrible Two's without being left in the closet.

So today I hope to begin the Nana bond with the newest little person in my life. I am proud of all of my grandchildren, I love to watch them and see what great people they have become. I can't wait to see what this new little girl will bring to our lives. But one thing for sure is I know without any doubt that today my son will fall in love in a way he never knew existed, that as much as he loves his wife, today he will truly know what people mean when they say that they would lay down their life for their daughter.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow globes

This morning it was like waking up in a snow globe that had been left on the kitchen counter overnight. Looking out of the kitchen window everything glistened, like a fairy had glued crystals to all of the branches and twigs and sprinkled them on top of the snow like a dusting of sugar. It was beautiful. There was no wind, not even a small stir. Where I had shoveled a path on the driveway to the pine trees and down to the street, there were no rivulets of melted ice creating fingers reaching into the path. The edges that I cut with the snow shovel were still nice and straight and the path was clear. The small icebergs that were created when I tossed snow and ice onto the side still stood proudly like sails in the snow.

It has been a strange snow. A day of light fluffy snow that fell with total quiet followed by hours of light sleet and freezing rain. It created this beautiful smooth glistening surface. Beautiful but painful to walk through. The crust isn't strong enough to hold up a person or small puppy but when you break through it is like breaking through a window pane.

All day yesterday the sledders and snowboarders on hill in behind the house sounded like road graders crunching through gravel. No stray cars could sneak up on you, they sounded like snowplows trying to smooth a washboard. This winter wonderland is not quiet.

Today, the third day of frozen life, the sun is out and everything is starting to melt from the bottom up. The house is warming the roof and the water is running down the drain pipes. My greatest fear now is that whole slabs of ice will come crashing down crushing gutters and shrubs.

The back deck made of Trek cleared easily with the snow being happy to slide off the edge and the yummy ice topping sliding down on the frozen yard like marbles sent skittering. The front sidewalk is more reluctant to give up its ice coating. So I swept off the loose icebergs and snow and will let the sun have its way with the errant ice.

I like my snow, snow like. Softly falling onto the ground silencing everything in the neighborhood except the gleeful sounds of children sliding quietly down the hill. This is a noisy winter coating, crunching and painful to walk through.

I have lived in the North and the South and despite the protests of my New Jersey born and bred mother, I have always felt more like a southerner than a northerner. I know how to bundle up and mush on through priding myself in the conquered snowdrifts and the howling wind bested, but in truth I have always hated being cold. Dad's axiom to was always stand up straight, take a deep breath of refreshing (freezing air) and you will feel much better and you won't be cold. Maybe frozen lungs keep the rest of you from feeling the cold.

This storm I did what everyone else did. I turned on the TV to the local all news channel with 'weather on the 1's' at a minimum and stayed attentive to the 24 hour weather reports that were only occasionally set aside for national news. I shoveled little knowing that in a few days the sun would come out and do the hard work for me. I put on tights and socks and uggs bundled in turtlenecks, sweater and snow jacket, added gloves, hat, hood and scarf for my walks with the pooch. I tutted at the people who drove too fast on our unplowed road - they must be from the north - show-offs.

For the past two days there has been no mail, schools are still closed, the trash guys still haven't come, but the mall opened on time after closing yesterday at 5PM. Maybe the trucks will make it to the grocery store and there will be fresh food. For a girl who lived in Nova Scotia in a little town with a harbour that hosted iceberglets and seals in the winter you would think I would have toughened up. Like many things in life that you muster through because you have no choice, your mind quickly returns you to your normal. My normal is here.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Snow in the South

I am sure by now you are totally bored with my fascination for snow in Charlotte. But it is such an EVENT. For days the weather forecasters have been telling us that this storm is marching towards us bringing snow, sleet, ice, pestilence. The stores were empty by mid-afternoon yesterday. Last night the newscasters were in a tizzy and the break-in updates were telling us that the snow would start by 4AM. Sure enough I woke up to snow. Well, I woke up to my husband texting me from Las Vegas at 7:28AM my time to be careful walking the dog because it was slippery. It snowed, Zed was very unhappy because the snow was up to his little tummy. We did our best, but I think he will have to be really interested in going out before he tries again. The snow is wet enough that he comes in as one furry snowball.

All morning the local news has given us minute by minute updates, with call in's from people with snow pictures of their backyards and 'live' reports of who is driving around in the neighborhoods. They even pre-empted Rachel Ray!

I have done my part, I pushed the snow off the back deck and moved the snow of the driveway enough to give Zed a path to under the evergreen trees and swept off the grass. Now it is up to him. Me, I am going to heat up the hot chocolate and snuggle up with a book. No wait -- I am going to heat up the hot chocolate and work.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Small steps to success

I am off to a good start on keeping my resolutions. It has only been 7 days, but I have made some of the important first steps.
A resume -- hard to believe but after many, many angsting tries I have finally completed a resume that is in an acceptable short format. I posted it on Dice and have applied for two jobs. Don't get too excited -- if experience is any teacher I will now chew my nails if no one calls. But it is a start. Things are beginning to perk up with some existing or newly emerging projects so with a little luck I get busier one way or the other.
My grandson is bringing a friend to go snowboarding next weekend. I will be the chauffeur and chief cook and bottle washer. I am really looking forward to having him at the house - think snow! The newest grand baby has not made her big entrance yet but I have told everyone that all meetings are off the day she arrives.
The only eating out once a week resolution is in jeopardy! I stuck to eating in before going up to play Bunco, so I am hoping a few glasses of wine with the gals doesn't count as eating out! I may need to revisit that resolution.
Oh and finally - three days at the gym so far, need to work on that a little more. I am hoping walking two miles a day with the pooch will compensate when I am out of town.
Looking back I realize the exercise and eating out resolutions relied on my actually being here. January is a big travel month with skiing, babies, skiing, grandsons. Maybe the resolution needs to be modified that I go to the gym every day I am home (unless I have a morning client meeting) and eating out is forgiven when I am away. Wish I loved carrot sticks more!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Resolutions

Every year I have a list of 'good for you' resolutions. Some of them last until January 15 some longer. This year I used my new start in January as an excuse for one more cookie, one more piece of pie, one more - well you get the idea. Today getting into my North Carolina slacks to go home I took stock of the price I paid for two weeks of my "We'll think of that tomorrow" attitude. So I am taking a big chance and saying my resolutions out loud, putting them in writing so all can check up on me as the weeks go by.
  1. I am taking the no take away food for one month challenge. I can still go out to a restaurant but not more than once a week. Cook at home or eat cereal - but put away those yummy, easy take away menus until February 1.
  2. Of course the gym -- but I will start out small. January - minimum of 4 times a week for 45 minutes at the gym. I am paying the price for abandoning my routine at Thanksgiving. My knees ache, I get out of breath going up hill. And the biggie - I am not, not, not buying clothes in a bigger size.
  3. Now on to the slightly stranger but real resolutions. I will write a resume, post it on line and look for a day job. After 25+years of consulting no one ever asked for a resume, getting a contract was based on previous projects. Now I need a day job and that requires a personal resume. Anyone out there who has a clue as to how to translate 25 years of herding cats (committee members) and relyiing on success by the will of a group I have no control over -- send it along. As my Dad told me once about my chosen career - I really didn't do anything, I just talked.
  4. I will work harder at being a good Nana. I am not sure what that means or how to start, but this year Ashby has truly wormed his way into my hard little heart, and Jon and Jason just cracked it a little further. I want to be connected to these guys and to Madi when she arrives. I want to know what is going on in their lives regularly. Maybe I need to follow an Italian Nana around since the ones I observe seem to balance a little nagging interference with lots of love. My 'never interfere and wait to be invited' policy isn't working.
  5. And finally - since the list seems pretty daunting to me - I resolve to have fun. At least once a week - do something that isn't on the to-do list or has a higher purpose. Once a month Bunco knocks out one week a month, leaving me three other weeks to learn to do something that is just for fun. Maybe I should either learn to play golf or sell my clubs this year!

So feel free to check up on me, or remind me when I wander away from my resolutions. I would really like to look back in April and say that I am still making progress.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

The house is empty

My two grandsons and their parents just left. The house is neat and clean, the boot room nearly empty. It is very sad. They were wonderful guests and took very good care of their grandparents. I miss them. The boys have really become great snowboarders, especially considering how seldom they get to come up. This is a picture of Jon from several years ago standing with his uncle. This year his uncle lent Jon his snowboard and boots!

Jason started skiing when he was 4 - under duress since there were no snowboard lessons until he was 5. He always knew he could do it. No fears just impatience sometimes to get moving. By the time he was 7, it was up the lift as fast as possible -- "alone thank you". This year he and his brother were up on the blue slopes.

Vanity the ultimate gotcha.

Vanity 1. Heels, shoes. They were my addiction. I loved being able to wear heels, sandals, cute shoes. Even if they were slightly uncomf...