What a difference a month makes

I promise this is my last poor me rant.  I know I should not feel like this is the last... Last business trip to DC, last big project, last etc.  I know that I have revamped my professional life many times, sometimes a minor tweak, sometimes a major change, but usually the change was for the better.  This time the change wasn't thought out or planned it just happened.  And now that the last move event is over and the project is wrapped up I am adrift.  My laptop is tucked under the hotel desk no report to write, no lists to start, no next round of meetings to set up.   My life has been defined by what I do.  My projects have driven my calendar.  I have been incredibly lucky to have great projects that have given me the income and freedom to have a personal life.   So what is next.  Guess the most important things are - don't panic,  take the next few weeks to enjoy my family, recharge and get my professional credentials in order, and put on my big girl panties and remember that I am actually pretty good at what I do and network, network from a mindset of confidence.  Promise next blog will be about enjoying the day to day. In the next few days I will get to spend several days with family and friends.  So no more fretting, open the cookbook, send in the grocery list, heat up the oven and spend days cooking yummy food and enjoying great company.  

Before and after

TAs the queen of denial, I have just ignored the day everything changed.  I told myself to just focus on the work. Finish without drama.  But it did all change on October 23.  I had just gotten comfortable with the new routine of full time work.  I was making mental plans of things I wanted to do for the next few years, making plans that required a steady source of income, not the roller coaster of contracting.  Always worrying about the next gig.  

This last project ends on Monday. There will be champagne and funny stories and congratulations all around.  Then I will turn in my credentials, they will turn off my email account and I will be the bridesmaid once again.  Hopefully they will remember me as someone they would like to work with again.  I will head home to throw myself into a thanksgiving feast for family and friends.  We will put up the Christmas lights and decorate the tree.  The trappings of normalcy, and hopefully the beginnings of the next phase of our lives.   

I haven't quite figured out how I feel besides sad and angry.  I am used to the theory of make no plans, count no chickens, kiss all the frogs emotions that have ruled most of my adult life.  Up until October 23 I was the one who always left a full time gig when my patience with the politics and the frustration with the work got to much.  And I have taken the blame that I really don't play well with others for very long. I like to do it my way.  I don't bounce out of bed ready to greet the day.  I am not good at hopping in the shower and getting dressed before work.  I sneak up on the day, wearing my pj's and sweater I check my email, make lists, frequently workIng for hours before getting dressed.  I have a terrible sense of time.  I don't remember to eat lunch and am surprised when my hubby knocks off work at 5:30 and wonders what is for dinner.  

But this time I was playing well with others.  My time card was always full.  My client was happy.  I was looking forward to a schedule where I could plan get-aways and someone besides me was responsible for hunting down and bringing in the work.  All I had to do was show up and do it.  

So today when I was in getting my gray colored and my hair cut the woman I have been going to for years opens with so anything new this month, are you off work today or do you have to go back?  What do you say?  "Well let me tell you I was fired, rehired for six weeks on contract, as of Monday I will be unemployed, and to top it off so is hubby."   And yes I will make my next appointment now.  

Where brave soldiers walk

Coming home yesterday I was on the shuttle from the train with a couple who ran in the Marine Corps marathon. The woman was standing and talking to her spouse and men kept trying to offer her a seat - with a sides way glance at her apparently able husband - until he finally said they had run the marathon and she had pulled a muscle and sitting was painful.  Nods all around.  

While I was checking my luggage, the Honor Flight escorts started leading a parade of men in wheelchairs, walkers, canes into the airport, some had family with them, some were alone with the escorts. I thought of the courage and determination it took for them to make the trip.  

Stopped for a bite to eat and to charge my phone and sat next to several tables of soldiers who had just landed on their way home. The young soldiers were laughing and eating and adding to their collection of empty beer bottles on their table.  The waitress was doing her best to mother them, checking on their flights, being slow to bring new drinks.  The young guys were the rowdiest - but not out of control.  Another table of older soldiers in civies - if all black UnderArmor counts as civies - were keeping an eye on the kids.  When in came the couple and sat down.  The kids were boasting of their service, and started doing the "double tap" boast of pride, when the Marathon Marine said something quietly to the tables and all of a sudden they all sat up straight.  All I heard was "Men be sure you make your flight". The kids pulled themselves together and paid their bill.  When along came, the call Hero's passing". And the escorts were pushing two wheelchairs with WW II veterans.  Everyone in the restaurant stood and clapped.

A young family who looked Middle Eastern were sitting in the back with their young children and one asked why were people clapping, and the father said because they were soldiers.  It made me think - how did all of the foreign travelers see what I saw.   I saw pride in our soldiers, waitresses playing Mom, people passing the tables saying thank you, gate agents asking active duty military personnel to board first, standing to honor the men who served in the last Great War.  Many of us aren't sure where we stand on our military actions, present or past, but I think deep,down many of us, as much as we wish there was another option, want to thank those who stand on that wall protecting us from enemies seen and unseen.  

An even stranger day

Today I was fired, missed and hired.  More the hubby than me but as of 8pm I am working thru the end of November. Turns out my "boss" didn't like me because I never took direction from him.  Duh.  I was working on projects that weren't his.  Who knows, but despite offers to stay on to hubby I think once they say we have no place for you being forced to ask us back is not a good idea.  Too much craziness.  

Life is full of surprises

And what doesn't kill you makes your stronger.  Or something like that.  Monday, my boss asked if I could meet with him in Charlotte on Wednesday.  Sure - hoping it would be a reasonable time since I had a flight at 2PM back to DC for client.  Despite my best efforts the only time he could meet was 9AM in South Charlotte.  I knew the company was reorganizing and I had never actually met the person I worked for so I thought - make the effort.  So Mike kept Zed overnight for my early morning dash downtown.  Imagine my surprise to discover the purpose of the meeting was to let me go. 

"Oh nothing personal"  we are downsizing, and it is immediate.  What -- I remind him the client has a big move this weekend.  We have been planning it for months, weeks.  Can't you let me finish this move and I understand downsizing, but let me do an orderly transfer of documents, schedules,,,,.  NO.  It is final and immediate.  So he turned the pages to show me how many people were being let go, and what page did he linger on-- the one where hubby's position and age were listed at the top.  I said so you are firing both of us???  Is everyone who came over from Strategic being let go.  Silence. 

So I signed the paper and left.  I called my client counterpart and said, will I won't be there this afternoon, I was let go.  I reassured them I would make sure all of the documents were transferred.  Same story for hubby but he turned in his computer, mine is still here.  It was more of a shock that anything and pretty darn unprofessional.  Who fires their Project Manager in the middle of a project that ends soon anyway.  My last move for this client is the weekend before Thanksgiving and I was looking forward to the time off.  Bruce was ready to quit anyway, the new management was bringing in the people he worked with at his previous gig.  So the handwriting was on the wall, we just didn't expect it mid-project. 

Who knows, today in the shock the client is saying they will hire me directly but that is easier said than done. But as they always say everything happens for a reason.  Just not sure about this one.  Good thing we hadn't rented a house for Thanksgiving! 

The biggest insult -- I even put on pantyhose and a skirt to meet my now former boss!  More to come as the saga goes on. 

Locally sourced

Let me preface this whole blog by saying I am working in DC and when I travel alone I stay in the city preferably close enough to walk or worst case short cab ride. Oh - I am on a company budget that negates the "famous" hotels but does let me stay at nice hotels. No rent by the hour for this girl. That sets the scene.

On to food. Son PM has worked for my client before and knows that their company cafeteria is Amazing. It caters to an international cosmopolitan taste with lots of fresh food, vegetarian options, changing guest chefs featuring different nationalities with the staples of fresh made before your eyes sushi, stir fry and sandwiches. So if I have lunch it is always wonderful. Now dinner. You would think there is a plethora of places - not so. Much of downtown DC rolls up by 8pm, narrowing the choices and usually eliminating places that would have light boring bar food. This brings me to locally sourced.

I have come to think that the trend is to believe that "locally sourced" with the names of the farms on the menu = wonderful and interesting dining. Not always. Sometimes it means the chef has a light touch and wonderful flavors but too often it is the massacre of a
potentially delightful dish. Even a southerner would not put shrimp with tails on in a shrimp and grits concoction with the consistency of library paste. Little crispy crunchy surprises.

This week I am staying at a boutique hotel with a Pan-Asian/spy museum theme. Who knew. The do not disturb door hanger has a "spy" image with Do Not Spy On Me! Tonight I dragged my self home at 8:30 after a long day wanting a glass of Chardonnay and some light bar food. Luckily there was a sushi bar with a wonderful and progressive menu - that my children would love - but I wanted a California roll. Ok children roll your eyes and say "old". I was tired and did not want an experience I just didn't want to wake up at 4 starving. A grilled cheese sandwich was on my wish list. So while listening to my two bar mates wax poetic on the attributes of various wines and cocktails I asked the bartender if the sushi chef could possibly make me a California roll. He was very professional and after a brief gulp and step backward he said "of course".

My sushi was wonderfully fresh, my wine light. All told perfect. Even if I have never figured out how to gracefully eat a slice of sushi roll without looking like I bit off more than I can chew! And in the end the bartender got back in his groove and inquired on my trip and hometown and warmed slightly when I mentioned frequently dining at Founding Farmers.

The lament of this story is I wish there was a hotel close to my job that served grilled cheese sandwiches with very credible Chardonnay at 8pm to ladies of "a certain age" when they dragged their tired bodies home from work.

Without technology

There are days when I read someone's report of an idyllic week away from cell phones and the Internet and they always wax poetic praising the peace and quiet, the uninterrupted life and I wonder is that something I want. No midnight emails from an insomniac client, no "I am not selling you anything but, calls when I forget to look at caller ID before answering, no actually being able to catch up on work that got delayed because I goofed off for a few hours.

No it is not what I want. This morning my grandson who headed across the pond for a year abroad leaving behind a worried Mom called her for free over the Internet. It was a quick report, he is safe and sound, has found the subway and the grocery and procured a pillow. Classes start in a week giving him lots of time to explore and adjust his internal time clock. Ten years ago that would have been an oversees call and carefully meted out because of expense. Now she can send off an email, schedule a quick face to face Skype call, reduce the expanse of the pond to a mere rivulet.

I shop on line for lots of things certainly the mundane. Midnight order to Babies r us for a new diaper pail for poop bags. Conference call distraction to order new filters for the fridge. Check flight tracker and set an alert to know when to head to the airport to pick up hubby. I don't want to give those things up. I get to follow the lives of my youngest grandbabies on their mothers blogs and beg for a new glimpse of the quickly growing youngest. It isn't the same as in person but when I do get to visit I don't feel so disconnected.

So a week with no cell phone or Internet isn't on my wish list. A week of gentle breezes, visits with the babies, fun conversations with my family with some sun, sand and the magic chef keeping us well fed now that IS on my wish list.